Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

The Horrors of Butterflies

Sunday, July 4th, 2010

Butterflies are crafty creatures. They look so beautiful and graceful but when you look at them closely they are horrifying. Butterflies must be one of the scariest looking animals up close. Like this one here that I found in the Navajo National Monument in Arizona feeding on a Paintbrush flower. I was trying really hard to get a photo of him and was so jazzed when I got these but when I looked at them up close I realized they look like monsters. No wonder Mothra in Godzilla was so scary, it is the same sort of thing. Nature is a very deceiving thing some of the cutest or prettiest things are really scary. I don’t think I can ever look at butterflies the same again.

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Suspense Movies

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

I just finished watching the movie, The Road and it helped me learn something about myself:

I am horrible at watching suspense movies and I just shouldn’t do it.

Granted I can be pretty horrible at watching any movies. Yes I am one of those horrible people who talk throughout the entire movie. I just can’t help myself, I mean I sit there for two hours watching other people talk non-stop on a screen, why can’t I talk too? I am aware of my faulty logic but it makes sense in my mind. Plus I feel the need to share my thoughts about every single thing the characters say to everyone else watching the movie. People who watch movies with me understand, I am so very sorry.

Anyways, I digress, suspense movies oh yes where do I begin. First of my points is this movie, The Road. Dear lord people this movie has some sick things in it. I may actually have nightmares tonight. That’s not my point though, in movies like this you just know, KNOW, something horrible can and will happen at some point. I feel as the viewer it is my duty to help these characters escape that evil fate, even if they can’t hear me. It helps me sleep better at night knowing at least that I tried to save them.

I do two main things while watching suspenseful movies.

  1. I yell at the television. Oh boy do I get riled up. I  do one of two things, on rare occasions both; I either sit bolt up right and make frantic gestures usually in broad circles or pointing, and the other options is I shrink deep into the creases of the couch and try to disappear while slowly curling into a fetal position. You may be thinking at this point, how can you do that at the same time, yes ladies ad gentlemen I am just that good because I have enough skill to do them at the same time. Normally I just sit there yelling at the characters telling them how dumb they are for doing something, try to warn them of upcoming danger, or just make inarticulate sounds that only a dying baby squirrel can make. Usually my sounds slowly degrade into incoherent gibberish or whining depending on how scary or suspenseful the movie is.
  2. The other thing I do is actually worse than the first, I yell at the other people watching the movie. I get so into it and frustrated that I will yell at the other people to help stop the characters on the screen. They never do. I don’t know if I am alone in my efforts but it usually seems so.  I either just gesture frantically yelling, DO SOMETHING or something like WHY ARE THEY DOING THAT, MAKE THEM STOP! I always feel bad for the people who I watch movies with because not only do I yell at them but I usually grab onto the them, maybe give them a shake or two. But it is all for the characters. I can’t help it that I am just one of those people who gets why too involved in movies. I basically have conversations with the television. I have no idea why, I just do.

The sad part is, is that this usually just leaves me frustrated and always ends in the same way. I get all worked up and then the movie ends and I sit up and say, wait, but nothing actually happened! See that is the thing about suspense movies is that they really are a lot of nothing. While you are watching the movie you are totally sucked in and involved thinking this is the best most intense movie ever. But as soon as it is over you snap out of your suspense induced trance and realize you just wasted two hours of your life watching a string of loosely connected, horrifying, disturbing, and suspenseful events that in the end led up to a  climax of absolutely nothing.

This is why I do not watch suspense movies.

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Confessions of an Evil Driver

Monday, June 14th, 2010

I have a confession to make, about my driving. No I am not admitting that I am a bad driver, because I am not. My confession is this:

I can be an evil driver.

I love road trips, but when you have been driving for hours in the middle of nowhere, you have to find ways to amuse and entertain yourself so you don’t go insane. My remedy? To be EVIL. When there is nothing to look at on the road except for other cars, have fun with the other cars. I am expert, or you could call me an evil genius, at being an evil driver.

You may be wondering, what is it that I do to make me or anyone, an evil driver. There are many ways one could fit the criteria of an evil driver. Here are a few that I do:

  1. Mess with the other drivers. The key to this is to not appear to blatantly be messing with the other drivers. Don’t be obvious, act like you aren’t doing anything or as if this is how you normally drive. One way I do this is with the left lane. Keep in mind this can only be done when several other cars are present (not totally crowded but cars every few minutes or so). When I get really bored I switch into the fast lane and go just fast enough to be passing people, but just slow enough to drive the person behind me crazy. This make it so they have to either pass me in the right lane or just tail gait me and get pissed off and wait until I leave.
  2. Another slight modification of my first point is not letting the person behind you pass when they want. Not just not letting them pass, just not exactly when they want to. This is best to do with those crazy drivers on the road that think everyone will move over when they come speeding up. They are easy to spot, and easy to bother. This can be the most entertaining fun on a long road trip. Again you must have several cars on the road for this to work. Get in the fast lane before these people come up, pass a couple of cars until the road master comes right up behind you. They will probably tail gait you but don’t let it bother you. That is when you slow down just enough to slowly pass the car in the right lane. After you have cleared the car, they will expect ou to immediately get out of their way and into the right lane; don’t. After they figure out you aren’t going into the right lane, even though you should, you know the person behind you, as soon as they clear the car in the right lane, they will switch out of the left lane and try to pass you in the right lane. This is where you act. As you see them start to get into the other lane, speed up just enough so they don’t have enough room to pass you. Then they have to go back behind you in their shame and rage. It is very entertaining to watch them try again and again to pass you. You have to make sure not to make them too angry so after a few times of this actually let them pass. And always, always look at them when they finally pass you. It is pretty funny. Yes, evil I know. Can you blame me? Boredom really is a source of evil.

One thing I am going to point out is that no I do not do this normally. This is not how I drive so don’t worry about it. I only do this on road trips when I am really bored or if a driver is bothering me. The point of being an evil driver is to not push them too far, just enough to get a little reaction but nothing bad. To be a true evil driver you have to understand when the fun has gone to far or where there is room for more mischief. There are always more people on the road to mess with, don’t get attached to a certain car. If you ever go on a road trip with me you can always tell when I start messing with people because I sit there and snicker evilly to myself for no apparent reason.

Don’t be afraid my evil driving, it is very rare, but is very real. Hopefully my evil tips will help save your brain on a long road trip from insanity and boredom. Be evil, but be safe, not stupid.

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Guest Blogger! #2

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Today I went to a high school graduation.  It was pretty thrilling.  I also have a new best friend.  His name is Sarcasm:

He and I go everywhere together.  One time, we went to a bonfire on the beach of the ocean.  The party was actually not that fun.  All they had to eat there was chicken, and who the heck likes chicken??????? Because my friend Sarcasm is so outspoken and hard to control, he made some hurtful but witty comments about the party and the person who threw it.  Needless to say, we were shunned.

We found a cat on the road it had been hit by a car very sad but what can I say Sarcasm would not let me stop. He ran over it again, then backed up over it, then said some more witty comments, then drove away.  I think he was drunk.

We then ate at Chef Wiu (which serves Italian food, contrary to popular belief), where they actually serve dead cat but they call it chicken.  I don’t see the reason to lie about this fact because I happen to like dead cat.  I eat it all the time and sometimes I even go out in the mornings and hunt and then make a cereal out of my kills.  It’s better to get your food nice and fresh because otherwise who knows where that stuff has been.  Like this one time, my friend Sarcasm had a chocolate bar.  He gave it to me, but not before he did some gross stuff with it (use your imagination…).  And I ate it.

Because chocolate bars are supposed to be brown, right?

Well, lesson #1 of the night: Do not eat stuff that is brown, because then it is impossible to tell just where it has been.  Trust me, I definitely knew where the chocolate bar had been right after it put it in my mouth.  I actually liked it.  It changed my entire perspective of food, and now I like to try new and exotic things.

Did you know that there is a species of cat called the exotic????????? Yeah.  I didn’t either. Until today.

Also, on average, men spend about 28 minutes in the bathroom in the morning while women spend on average 32 minutes in the morning (John Tesh Radio Show).  Fascinating, right?

Also, turtles breathe out of their butts (common knowledge).  Yes.

Today my friend Sarcasm and I did something bad, aka something bad. You may be wondering what we did.  Well, I can’t tell you. But it has something to do with this joke…….

What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?

It might take me a while to get hard.  I just got laid by some chick.

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Funny, right?

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Posted in Shout Outs, Thoughts |

Kid Leash

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

Kid leashes drive me crazy. I don’t get it. Sure I understand that parents don’t want their kid to run away, but putting them on  leash? It just seems plain wrong. Maybe I am just weird but whenever I see someone with there kid on a leash I just stop to watch. I part of me is slightly horrified but the other part (the bigger part) is laughing.

One thing that just cracks me up about these leashes is that they are disguised as cute adorable little backpacks like this one. The kid sees a fuzzy little monkey when truthfully it is a direct tie to mommy. Even when the parents are yanking the kid around I really don’t think the kid gets why he is being held back. They just don’t connect the two things and go on with life believe their parents just got them a cute backpack, not a tether.

I saw this kid once with a leash on, they didn’t even disguise it though, it was a full on harness wrapped around this kid. He still didn’t get it that as soon as he ran three feet away, he would get tugged back. It was pretty funny to watch this kid get whiplash from a leash. I know it sounds horrible but the funny part wasn’t the kid getting tugged back but the parents response. They did nothing. They thought the leash was enough to keep their kid contained and didn’t even bother asking the kid to stay put. They just let him run and then fall down.

The whole business doesn’t really make sense to me to treat your kid like an untrained puppy. Oh well, more entertainment for me.

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Oregon Elk

Saturday, April 24th, 2010

While driving through Oregon my mom and I happened upon many signs claiming there were elk in the area. For three days we drove through Oregon and guess what we didn’t see? ELK. So we decided the people who made those signs were liars. LIARS! We didn’t believe there were elk in Oregon at all. And you know what? We didn’t see any elk in Oregon. But we did see elk as soon as we crossed over into California in the Redwood National Park. There was a pile of elk just sitting on the side of the road. We decided Oregon sign makers are liars and California ones are not. Yeah for California.

Surprisingly, elk are very different depending on were you see them. It makes sense but I never really thought about it before. I am an expert on elk though since going to Yellowstone. The elk in California were so much smaller and skinnier than the Yellowstone elk. It was kind of weird. Thats not the point, it was just plain weird seeing elk in California, especially so near the coast. It just doesn’t really make sense in my mind. Oh well, I enjoyed poking out of the sun roof to get these shots.

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7 Mile

Sunday, April 18th, 2010

Yesterday my mom and I walked from our home down to Capitola. All in all coming to a 7 mile hike. It was fun but my feet still hurt and I definitely need new shoes now. On our excursion we spotted a little lemonade stand that we decided to stop at. Fun stuff. This little girl was a adorable and I felt horrible for her because while we were there the balloons they had floated away and got caught in some trees. The poor kid started hyperventilating. It was very sad. I liked her sign…

Our trip was actually full of little children waving signs. In Capitola nearing the end of our walk we happened upon another child frantically waving a sign. Hers was for a bake sale and she was dancing on a street corner yelling at passersby. It was really funny. She was pointing at a guy in a car yelling incoherent nonsense at him, he drove away. I told her I liked her socks then we walked on.

You may ask why we walked all this way, believe it or not the answer is food. Yes, I walked seven miles for food. Does that tell you anything? Due to my eating predicament (I have food allergies to 35 different things) it is hard to find good places to eat. My mom had been telling me about this natural food restaurant for a while so I said heck if we are being healthy in our diets why not walk the whole way too? Who wouldn’t right? Anyway we walked 7 miles for food and I wound up not actually liking it. Not the point though, the walk was fun and it was a really nice day. I enjoyed the heck out of it. I am not enjoying the blisters though. I hope to do it again soon, ending in a different location though.

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Oregon Sheep

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

I don’t know why but in Oregon there are so many sheep! We passed by dozens upon dozens of sheep flocks throughout Oregon. I must say they are some of the most adorable babies. They resemble my dog…

We pulled over when I spotted this bunch of  sheep, they were too cute to pass by. So I hung out the window to get these pictures of the little guys and their mom. They seemed somewhat amused at the entire spectacle.

These two little cuties were the best. They were adorable but I have to say they didn’t look very smart at all. They just sat there with their mouths hanging open and staring at me. I guess it is warranted that a seventeen year old girl was hanging out of a car with a camera pointed right at them cooing about how cute they were. Either way they looked like a few screws were loose up there and sadly that made them look so much cuter.

I think more farms in California should have sheep, it makes road trips so much more enjoyable. I get tired of cows… seriously. Get sheep much cuter, much more entertaining to look at. My mom and I were almost considering kidnapping a baby sheep and putting it in the back of the car to take home. We decided we shouldn’t though because Gracie would be jealous. One day though, one day I will own a sheep and enjoy its stupid stare all day long.

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Guest Blogger!

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

Hi!  My name is Artemis, and I am the guest blogger for today! How exciting is that! Does this annoy you that I am ending everything in an exclamation mark!  Because it should!  In real life, I don’t actually talk like this!  I actually talk very monotone and it is quite boring and nobody listens to me wahhh wahhh well except my pet snake.  His name is Pez.  I picked him out from the pet store down the street when I was five, and he has been my best friend every since. One time I put him in an urn because I thought he would like it in there.  He got stuck because he is a boa constrictor.  I had to break the urn to get him out.

My mom was very upset because that was her favorite urn.  She got it from Egypt in the year 1920.  Yes, she is that old.  She is also not Egyptian, but Mongolian.  I went to Mongolia once when I was ten.  I ate this raw fish and it made my very sick.  I spent fifteen days in the general Mongolian hospital while my mother (who was younger at the time), my father (who is Australian), and my older sister did tourist stuff around the country.  I dislike tourist stuff.  So maybe it was a good thing I was sick.

That was definitely the trip from hell.  We went to India afterward which was a huge mistake because that was the pre- Slumdog Millionaire days.  Whatever that means.  Anyway our flight was delayed and I missed the episode of “Glee” that I had been dreaming about the entire 6 – month trip.  I MISSED IT. OH NO NOW I’M TALKING IN ALL CAPS. WELL I MISSED THE SHOW AND I WAS SUPER DUPER ANGRY.  SO ANGRY THAT I DECIDED I WOULD NEVER TRAVEL OUT OF THE COUNTRY AGAIN.  So, I have not left this nation, nay, this state, nay, this little town of nobody, in TWELVE YEARS.  YES THIS PIECE OF INFORMATION DESERVES TO BE WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS.

Anyway, I’m known in my hometown as The Girl Who Never Leaves.  They all expect me to live here forever with my sixteen pet cats (I actually have ten but one is pregnant and due any day).  But little do they know that I have actually have had an arranged marriage waiting for me with a millionaire from India.  That’s right folks.  While I was pacing, worried about missing Glee, the only show worth watching on this earth, my loving parents had set up a marriage between me and the richest man in India.  So now I’m just waiting to gain my citizenship for India, and then it will be adios, Americans!  My children will be beautiful, half Indian, quarter Mongolian, and quarter Australian.  I already have names picked out:  Athena, Hermes, and Zeus.  Lovely, right?  I hope it will convey their inner strength.

By the way, Pez died last year.  We had a serene burial in my backyard, which all of my loving family and friends attended.  He was buried next to my pet hermit crabs which had accidentally died two years ago.  But that’s a different story.

Anyway, where was I?  Oh yes.  My children will be gods and goddesses.  My cats will not be able to join me in India because I am afraid they will be eaten.  I am leaving them in the care of my old sister, who is an old maid and will never make anything of her life.  She is the true cat lady of our family.  She will love my cats like the children she will never have because she will remain a virgin for the rest of her life.  Sad, right?  I know.  A while ago I thought it would be nice of me to help her, so I set her up on a date with this nice young man from New Jersey.  He looked clean-cut, articulate, and no tattoos.  However, little did I know that he was actually a serial killer.  My sister barely escaped with her life; however, the creep was put in jail.  My sister did not speak to me for years after, but she eventually got over it.  How was I to know that the man was a killer?  Really, sister, really?

This is a picture of my sister.  Her hair is so large it covers her face, which is probably a good thing, if you know what I mean.  We do not get along, in case you cannot tell.  However, she loves cats.  So that is why I am giving mine to her when I go marry my millionaire.

And that is my story.

The end.

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Perspective

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

Something like a pot of flowers can seem so ordinary, not because it actually is but because we have become so accustomed to it that it has lost it’s uniqueness in our eyes. In my eyes this is a crime. My job is to provide perspective to all of you, it may not be right, different, or even worth your time, but it is something to remind people that nothing is one dimensional. Here is a series of photos, all of this seemingly normal flower bouquet. (P.S. I love flowers that is why I chose them, I think they are beautiful beyond compare)

This is a magnified perspective of one flower in the bouquet. Already, just a photo closer to the flower reveals so much more about the flower. This perspective allows us to study detail, to notice what people would normally brush over. Look beyond what you normally see, instead of seeing a flower, look at each petal, how are they different, how are they the same? Look at the center and how it darkens, drawing your eye. Don’t just see it, question it. Why would a flower have a darker center on such a vibrantly colored plant, why not make it a more colorful hue instead of black. There are a million and one ways to look at the same thing and each is unique within itself.

It isn’t always the front of a flower that holds the beauty. Try looking at things from a different angle. Sideways, upside down, from underneath and from above. Each new view can change the object entirely. Even the slightest shift from the first photo to the second, changes the view dramatically. Drawing your eye to one point, instead of to all of the flowers. Positioning is key, it can change how others look at an object and the message that they receive from it.

The objects standing right in front of you are not always the most important. Sometimes the things that seem so blatantly obvious are just masks for the real beauty that is staring you right in the face. Focus forward, don’t let what stands in front of you stop your ascent or progress. Look beyond and between the obvious and seek out the third path that leads you to your own future.

Beauty frames the world around us, I know it is hard but try to notice all of it. Not what stands in front of you, but all of it. At first it can be overwhelming to try to take in all of it, but the world will seems so much brighter because of it. Perspective is everything, without it, we would not be able to fully appreciate the minute details that build up the beautiful world around us.

So take some time, look at the ordinary things in your day in a brand new way. Notice what you would have never look at before. That is my only goal, to make people look at the world with eyes that can truly see.

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