In golf they want you to wear tan shorts or khakis. Wait, what exactly are khakis? That is beside the point, tan. The color tan is my point. Tan and cream-colored things drive me insane. If you are one of my friends you probably know this. If not, please endure. These colors bug me for several reasons:

1. Cream is not a color. Plain as that, the same way white isn’t. Cream bothers me though because it isn’t white, but it is close enough to trick you. Cream is just an ugly white. I mean why make something cream when it could be white? WHY? It confounds me and makes me angry to an extent. It is just a dirty white color. It makes me want to wash it, but I know it won’t come off. Ugh, makes me sick.
2. My main issue of the day is tan. Yeah I have a beef to pick with the color tan. I will never wear tan clothes. Simple as that, I will wear grey, you can even force me to wear white, but I will not wear tan. Want to know why? Simple, when people wear tan they look like they are naked. Don’t even begin to tell me you haven’t been driving along and seen someone from a far and thought, Oh my god, is that person naked? Thus upon closer inspection you find they are just wearing tan pants. Yeah, happens a lot. It is disturbing and highly disruptive in my life. I can be driving and see an old lady walking around as if she is naked just because she decided by, some catastrophe of fate, to wear all tan-colored clothes.

Sorry golf team, I will never wear tan, I like people to be aware that I am fully clothed. It is just how I roll. If you disagree tell me so, but don’t tell me you never thought that, because that would be a lie. Why do these colors even exist?

I asked someone this and they gave me an excuse I just have to mention. Here it is, the main reason the color tan was invented:

To blend in with the ground…

Why are you tying to blend in with the ground?! Answer me that first, because truly I want to know. No that is not a valid reason. I will slap you if you say that to me. Tan is not camouflage, no matter the excuse, maybe if you are trying to blend in with your own skin. I just hate those colors, simple as that. They are a blight on society.