2009

I wrote this poem in English class today, I think I like it. Not sure where it came from though. The razor runs over the boy’s head He doesn’t move or flinch Just stares ahead into oblivion With deadlocked eyes Into a future of unknown miseries With eyes held firm in a choice He had no part in making They shave his head Put a warm gun in his hands And teach him how to kill Teach him to steal a life without remorse They say Learn fast boy Or get ready to die young They smack him around Take the boy’s soft exterior And turn it into cold hard stone Rip out his heart and memories Of a time when safety was a given And love was always near Take all that he ever knew And throw it away The boy soldier hefts up his gun His lips sealed and dead eyes He has nothing left But the eternal fight for his soul Everyone runs from him Like he is a monster Because he is a monster One they made him into Ripped him from his home And gave him hate To battle an unknown enemy There is no escape for him Just a bloody sentence That he has no choice but to accept They label him and fear all like him And run at the sight of his gun Run they yell It is the boy soldier come home again But he won’t let it continue As he stands over the body Of a little girl the same age as him A bullet in her chest Blood blooming on her white dress Like a ruby flower blooming A bullet he shot from his gun The tip of the gun digs into the earth As he falls to his knees beside her He grips the dusty earth As he watches the last breathes Leave the dying angel Look how far he has fallen And for what, for whom No more he swears to the dry earth No more blood He turns the gun around In his rough scarred hands Covered in dust and blood They belong to an old man Not a twelve-year-old boy He put the gun to his head And pulled the trigger That he was taught to pull One more time The boy soldier fell Next to the dead angel girl There will be no more wars For this tortured soul No more rivers of blood Just the peace he never had But always deserved

I guess you got married today, congratulations. You waited in line like everyone else with all your bridesmaids around you. I wonder how it feels, did you feel free or did you know this might be your last moment of childhood leaving you behind. I loved your roses and I bet your wedding was beautiful. I wish you a good marriage and good luck because not everything will be a carousel ride.

I love my dog, she follows me around my yard. I wonder if she even noticed this leaf fall onto her face.

This year I found out about NaNoWriMo which is National Novel Writing Month, where writers try to hit a word goal for a novel they are trying to write in month. Sadly I found this program halfway into the month so I wasn’t able to really truly do as well as I wanted but I still hit my word goal so technically I won but I definitely do not have a novel. So here it is, my award. I guess.

You were really nice and let me take a picture of your dog. Your husband scared me because he said I would have to pay a dollar to take a picture. that is why I normally don’t ask for permission to take these photos but you seemed so nice so I had to ask. Your little puppy was so cute all bundled up in your shirt. You said she was tired from playing on the beach. Her owner loves her very much, it makes me happy to see love like that even if it is a tired love. It is nice you know you can sleep safely in the arms of a loved one. 😀

I went for a walk along West Cliff down to the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz to get some photos. The adventure was close to a failure. I couldn’t get a good parking spot because I always pick the days were West Cliff is the most packed and took forever walking down to the Boardwalk. Finally when I got there the sun was setting so I basically had to run back to my car because I ddin’t want to be out alone in the dark. ...

You were walking in the middle of nowhere along the road. You were all alone. What where you doing out there? Did your car break down, I never saw it. Or did you just decide to leave behind society. Maybe we should have stopped to ask if you needed help. You seemed like you knew where you were headed though, you never even looked up as we passed you. Why were you wearing all those clothes, it was Nevada and very hot out, but you were all bundled up. I didn’t understand you at all.

A beautiful sunset in the middle of nowhere Utah. It was beautiful, I wish I could have gone to Moab or Zion. So close yet so far away. Another trip I guess.

There is a baby crying Uttering wails of fear As its face contorts Screaming and screaming Sitting in a shopping cart In a nearby empty lot The baby looks around Twisting from side to side Bawling loudly As it screams for help But she doesn’t possess The words to yell Her tiny hands Gripping the cold steel Of the handle bar Desperation etching Lines of age Into the infant’s Soft face The woman stands On the other side Of her car She slides down Against it as her body quakes Her tiny frame Rattled by her sobs That she snuffs out With a bony fist The mother sits crying Curled up into a ball Wondering If she should leave Can she do it Just walk away As her child screams She can’t take it She can’t do it anymore She is listening to her Precious baby wailing Just feet away Yet so very far from her The mother sits On the edge of a choice Between love and desperation She gave everything for her child And there is nothing left for her She can’t even feed herself now She has nothing left to give Except her love The infant And the mother Are separated by a car And a long space A need And a lack of everything Stands between them As they both cry Wishing for what Neither of them has Wondering what comes next